illkim:

When you use your ID at the club for the first time

image

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September 20th 50,458 notes


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pocketmoony:

This made me laugh so hard!

September 20th 98,031 notes


bunsen:

scrolling through ur old facebook statuses like

imageimage

September 20th 18,413 notes


ask-the-flesh-thief:

j0ye:

OKAY SO I’M GONNA DROP A STORY ON Y’ALL 

MY FOLLOWERS KNOW THAT I’M PRETTY UNIQUE LOOKING

I HAVE A GNARLY UNDERCUT, A SHORT HAIRCUT, AND AS OF YESTERDAY MY HAIR IS BRIGHT PURPLE, AND I TEND TO WEAR CLOTHES OF THE ALL-BLACK-SHORT-SKIRTS-THIGH-HIGHS-INTIMIDATING-HEAD-BITCH-IN-CHARGE VARIETY

MY FOLLOWERS ALSO KNOW THAT I HAVE A RAD LITTLE THREE-YEAR-OLD SON NAMED OLIVER WHO IS MY WORLD

ONE DAY, OLIVER AND I WERE AT THE STORE, AND WE WERE WALKING PAST THE CEREAL, SINGING A SONG TOGETHER AND OVERALL JUST BEING CUTE BECAUSE WE’RE FUCKING ADORABLE, AND THIS MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WAS WALKING THE OTHER WAY WITH HER HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER. I’M USED TO PEOPLE STARING AT ME, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING I WAS ROCKING BLUE HAIR AND A OUIJA BOARD SHIRT AND A HELLA CUTE VELVET MINISKIRT THIS SPECIFIC DAY, SO I IGNORED HER GLARING AT ME AND CONTINUED ON LOOKING AT THE PANDA PUFFS

THEN I STARTED HEARING HER MUTTER UNDER HER BREATH ABOUT ME, SAYING STUFF LIKE, “Irresponsible teen mom couldn’t keep her legs closed” AND, “Her son is going to be so messed up because she has absolutely no self-respect”

NORMALLY I JUST LET IT GO, BUT THAT DAY OLIVER AND I WERE SINGING THE SHINS SO I WAS IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD AND FELT CONFIDENT, SO I STOPPED MY CART AND SAID, “Excuse me, did you say something?”. SHE KINDA STARTED BLUSHING AND SAID NO, TO WHICH I REPLIED, “Well, it seems you kinda did say something. Something about me being irresponsible and not having respect for myself?” AND THIS WOMAN WAS BRIGHT RED AT THIS AND HER HUSBAND WAS JUST TRYNA HURRY HER ALONG AT THAT POINT BUT I HELLA WAS NOT GONNA LET HER GET AWAY WITH SHIT TALKING ME SO I SAID, “You know, I do respect myself. I have my hair like this because I respect myself enough to do it and have the confidence to pull it off, and I dress like this because I respect the fact that I have killer legs that I don’t want to hide just because some old crows glare at me over it. My self-respect has nothing to do with my parenting ability, but if it did, I’d say it’s been a positive correlation because my son is respectful of everyone and doesn’t judge people based on their appearances. He knows that people look how they do because that’s just how they want to look, and that’s how all three-year-olds are until they get to the age where they see the fact that their parents are scowling at a girl who has bright hair, or a boy who wears a skirt, and that’s the age where they become insufferable assholes like you.” AND LET ME JUST SAY THIS WOMAN’S JAW DROPPED FASTER THAN THE TRIX BOX SHE WAS HOLDING AS I FUCKIN SASHAYED OUT WITH MY PANDA PUFFS AND CARRIED ON SINGING~*~*~

//you’re my hero

September 20th 430,260 notes


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embarrassmental:

narcotic:

what if people named their kids when they turn 18 so the kid has a name that fits its personality

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September 20th 541,561 notes


thecrimsonalchemist:

straight white guys more like

image

September 20th 50,200 notes


timecannotberewritten:

ueaq:

"when im 20 he’ll be 25" but you arent???? 20. youre 15??? and he is 20????????? why is a 20 year old into 15 year olds

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image

September 20th 41,465 notes


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afacebehindacamera:

This is a ‘where are you visting from?’ board at a local restaurant

September 20th 203,678 notes


youcouldbefound:

neoliberalismkills:

"no one can love you until you love yourself"

that is complete bullshit

don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t deserve love from other people because you struggle with loving yourself

this everyone read this right now

September 20th 270,290 notes


favabean05:

staticdiplomat:

pickyourheartupoffthefloor:

the-goddamazon:

lancrebitch:

crunchierkatie:

i love seeing girls close ranks when their fella is cheating, instead of defending him and attacking the other girls. like seriously. it warms my cold, cold heart so much. 

i need the rest of this story, where did you put the body

I’ve always wanted to do this. I hope they all went out for ice cream later too.

i want an update on this

FUCKING AMAZING

FORCED TO FLEE WITH HIS NAN

September 20th 386,676 notes


September 20th 188,807 notes


A Clockwork Orange,dir. Stanley Kubrick (via insanity-and-vanity)
…I was calm on the outside but thinking all the time.
September 20th 50,849 notes


theme